Meaning

I went in search
Of meaning

I looked in schools
All I found were
Arrogant professors
With books for sale

I looked in my apartment
All I found were books
With lots of words
Meaningless crap
From dead philosophers
And arrogant professors

I looked in stores
All I found was stuff
With lots of colors
Shapes and sizes
Rude clerks and
A never ending
Going out of business sale

I looked in coffee shops
All I found was
Lots of black liquid
Obvious posers
Lousy art
And pointless music

I looked in smoke shops
All I found were
Square boxes
Lighters and incense
Stupid warnings

But

There was this one
Really cool bong
With neon

I looked in liquor stores
All I found were bottles
And one fat sweaty guy
Buying a fifth of Popov

I looked in the bars
All I found were women
With black roots
Bad teeth
And bloodshot eyes

I looked in AA meetings
All I found were
Liars, cheats and thieves
With a 24 hour reprieve
From Midnight

I looked in the want ads
All I found were
Positions of Lousy pay
Empty promises
And the possibility
Of advancement

I looked in the churches
All I found was
Hypocrisy

I looked in India and Tibet
All I found was a guru
With a Mercedes and a hooker

I looked on the road
All I found were
White lines
Fast food joints
Shitty motels
And one chick hitchhiking
To Hackensack, New Jersey

I looked all over

Nothing spoke to me
Nothing showed a sign
Not even the airport
With a flight to Buffalo

Finally
I went to the gun store
I saw a beautiful shotgun
Golden double barrel
Hand carved with hearts
And butterflies

It whispered
I love you
Lets go home

I took it longingly
Up to the hill
Over looking
All of eternity

I spoke to my new shotgun
Asked it all the questions
I had buried deep inside
It gleamed with possibilities
I was so happy

Two glistening red cartridges
Filled with buckshot endings
Oh to have an ending

I wavered back and forth
Side stepping
Shuffling my feet
Trying to place it just right

Suddenly
I was bored

I hated my new shotgun
I hated everything
Especially this one guy
Who likes to tell the truth

I went to his house instead
Found him eating Oatmeal
With blueberries
And soymilk

I pulled the trigger
Oatmeal went everywhere

I sat down and turned on his TV
And watched reruns
Of Family Ties
I realized
I hated Michael J. Fox
And pulled the trigger again

I walked outside
Into the sunshine
Still void of meaning
But the hatred
Was sweet upon my tongue

I licked my lips
Lit a smoke
And walked into the ocean
Naked

The big fish never came