I could smell the cold outside
Filling me up from a secluded couch
The unwanted silence creeping through
Desolate hallways and empty rooms
The world seems still-life from my window
Though the wind moves evergreen branches
With a sense of aplomb
I want to hide from everything
But nothing moves me to take action
Sitting here
A victim of my own dismissal
Leaving a void within each breath
Noticed by the one who holds my heart
Only she can sense such things
But sometimes love is not enough
To quell the heartache
Of a life less lived
The solitary tears for humanity
For myself
Are water to a desert/ed man
Who no longer feels his thirst
Yet remains shackled by emotional decree
There’s no doubt I wish to leave this place
As badly as one wishes to flee a festering sewer
The overwhelming stench of hatred
Clinging to every burned out pore
Yet every day there’s another reason to remain
Refill
Recount
Remand
The thoughts which desperately long
For solitary exodus
Sometimes I think I stay for her
Oft times I believe there is some purpose
Which keeps me writing down words
No longer vibrating with intention
But only a sad outline
Inevitably erased by time
Sadly, my love and I both know
There is not a single strand of truth
Within those sentiments
Only my fear keeps me another hour
If someday I looked into the mirror
And found it absent of cowardice
I might use a straight edge for my daily shave
Or fill my morning glass with arsenic
Perhaps take a long drive within my garage
Confessing everything
During one long uninterrupted monologue
The cold sun setting upon my admission
Leaving another unmarked grave
Upon the temporary landscape
Of a lonely planet spinning in darkness
My spirit left to ponder
Fifty-three years of random movement
As the next life enters stage right
But…
The dog needs to walk
My friend needs to talk
And the wife expects me for dinner
Who am I to say no to such things?
If I knew the answer to that
I would understand
The question never needed to be asked
In the first place
